


Plumber Players 2

by Toft



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Alternate Universe, Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M, Pegging, Pornstars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-06-01
Updated: 2008-06-01
Packaged: 2017-10-19 22:32:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/205937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toft/pseuds/Toft
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pornstar Rodney is a total pro - except around John, apparently.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Plumber Players 2

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Wrench](https://archiveofourown.org/works/205936) by [Toft](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toft/pseuds/Toft). 



> Written for kink bingo 2008, for the prompt 'film/photography'. This is kind of a thematic sequel to 'Wrench'.

"So, the plumber thing," said Ronon. "I liked it. Very meta."

"Yeah, yeah," said Rodney. "It's always cool to work with John. What do you think of this Teyla chick?"

"She's good. Cool. She makes everyone meditate together before the shoot and hands out vegetable sticks and shit."

"Jesus."

Rodney munched on his burger and got ketchup down his shirt as Ronon looked on with that look he got that meant he wasn't going to laugh at you out loud for being messy because he was just too cool, but he was way hard and could probably crush you with just his dick if he felt like it, so you shouldn't think he wasn't laughing at you because he was afraid you'd be pissed, or something.

Actually, Ronon probably _could_ crush things with his dick, Rodney mused. Spiders, or maybe small rodents. His manly proportions were only one of the reasons Ronon was the kind of star Rodney would never be, after his frankly unfair beauty, incredible metabolic rate which meant he was always in shape, charisma which set off Geiger counters, glowing skin which the camera just lapped up, and his creative patronage of various body artists. All Rodney had was a preternatural awareness of where the camera was at all times, a genius for angles, creativity which had saved more than one shoot, and a PhD in applied physics which was actually more embarrassing than anything else. And an ass which had won Rascal's _Bubble Butt Of The Year_ three years in a row and counting. Not that he was counting. He also happened to be one of the few people who brought the best out of John Sheppard, who was famously patchy, but pure gold when he was on top form. Luckily, John Sheppard was also one of the few people in the industry who would work happily with Rodney McKay, to the extent that he also went home with him at the end of the day. All in all, Rodney didn't feel too bad about the situation.

"So, what do you think of the new idea?" Ronon said, finishing the last of Rodney's fries while Rodney dabbed at his shirt with a wet napkin. "I think it's funny."

"Of course you would. What's wrong with a nice, standard, naughty classroom scenario I just don't know. Fucking postmodernism, it's ruined the industry for everyone."

"Thought it'd be up your street, Dr. McKay," Ronon said, showing his teeth a little. Asshole. "So to speak."

"Oh, very funny," Rodney snapped. "Yes, well, I've got a mortage to pay, and John says it's the role he was born to play. Seriously, he got so into all those fucking wrenches. I didn't even have to warm him up, and then I caught him looking at the Home Depot online store last night. If this becomes a franchise, he's going to start retiling the roof or something. And now he's watching Dr. Who for _research_."

"Man's gotta get out more," Ronon said gravely. He dropped a twenty on the diner table, and picked up his helmet. "Gotta go, I'm picking Jen up from work. Early start tomorrow, okay? Teyla wants us at nine."

"Ha, good luck getting John to get it up at that time in the morning."

Ronon showed his teeth again, and disentangled himself from the table, unfolding into his full six foot three of copper-coloured, tattooed succulence. Three waitresses and the next table over stared, and Rodney's only consolation was that he'd almost certainly get to tap that tomorrow. "Your problem, McKay. Bring a wrench."

*

"Okay, first of all, the amount of exposition is ridiculous," Rodney snapped. "This isn't _Deep Holes 9_. Also, recharging the crystals with his sexual energy by interfacing a vibrator with the wall-panel, without even some kind of surge protector, seems a little suicidal just to get the jumper bay doors open. And, seriously, does he have to call me Dr. Rod?"

"If you will turn to page ten, Rodney, you will find that the use of your title is vital to the setup of the sex ritual sequence," Teyla said gravely.

"Just say the damn lines, McKay," John said, grunting slightly as he twisted into an unnatural position to lube himself up some more. "It's not like you can't remember them."

Rodney was momentarily distracted. "Jesus Christ, how the fuck are you still so flexible?"

"Yoga, Rodney, you should try it."

"Gentlemen, if we could remain focused?"

"Okay, look, do I really have to explain all this? They don't care, they just want to get to the part where I fuck Major Asshole here."

"Lieutenant Colonel Asshole to you," John said, pissy voice totally at odds with the rapt expression on his face as he worked another finger into his ass. "I got promoted in the last installment."

He looked like the cat that had got the cream, like he always did whenever he got to do anything military-themed - which was often, since apparently the entire porn industry had joined in a concerted effort to piss off John's father.

"John is quite correct," Teyla said, "He was awarded a new rank by General Carter for his proficiency in giving oral pleasure. Could you suggest an alternative for the reactor line? Perhaps a pun on 'rectal'?"

Rodney pinched the bridge of his nose. "Look, fine, just leave it as it is. What about on page nine? Which set are we using for the spanking temple ritual? Because Lorne's team were doing a carpentry setup yesterday, and I cannot work with sawdust."

*

"Yeah, yeah," John breathed as Rodney worked the vibrator into his ass. Out of the corner of his eye, Rodney saw Radek bring the camera around to catch the look on John's face, blissed out and totally in the moment. On his good days, John was the best performer he'd ever worked with - he _loved_ it, pure and simple. It was like he didn't even know the camera was there. That was what Rodney was for.

"That's it, take it, bitch," Rodney said absently, and guided John's body to the side to give Radek a better angle, under the guise of adjusting the dildo. John let his head fall to the right obediently, curling his fingers around his cock and letting his eyes flutter closed, and Radek nodded and brought the camera in close.

"The interface is complete," Rodney recited. "Now, when I make you come, the power of your pleasure will jump-start the crystals and open the bay doors. Then we can continue with the mission to MX3-39FS."

John nodded, strands of hair sticking to his sweaty forehead, arching back and up so his cock left a shiny trail on his stomach under the studio lights, the pale of his skin vivid against the black holster strapped to his bare thigh. Radek gestured frantically, and Rodney gripped John's hips hard, keeping John in that position. "Do it, Dr. Rod."

*

"Oh, nice perspective work, there," Rodney said, munching on a stick of celery. On the tiny viewscreen, John crawled up Rodney's body in his industrial yellow pants and the toolbelt, and said, "You wanna play space explorers again?"

"Only if I get to be the genius astrophysicist," the Rodney on the screen said. Rodney winced.

A slow smile slid across John's face, caught in loving detail by Radek. Teyla made an approving noise, and typed something into her palmtop. "Sure thing, Dr. Rod. Now, where were we?"

"We were about to save Ronon's people from the evil Wraith."

John's eyes went comically wide. "The aliens who suck out people's souls through their cocks?"

Behind them, Radek sniggered.

"Bite me, Radek," John said.

"Only if Rodney will switch camera on, then I can make a fortune on the internet with footage."

The door opened, and Ronon poked his shaggy head in. "Hey. New lube's here, you guys ready?"

"Tell me I get to fuck him today," Rodney said, draining the last of his coffee.

Teyla consulted her palmtop. "I am afraid the alien sex ritual only requires the combined seed of two participants; Ronon will be pleasuring himself on the spanking altar with Jennifer."

"Hey, come on, Rodney," John said, and smacked Rodney's ass, making him squeak and nearly drop his coffee. "You get to fuck me."

"I always get to fuck _you_ ," Rodney muttered, but followed him out anyway.

*

Ronon Dex, Rodney mused, was probably his real name. He was the kind of guy to already _have_ a porn star name before he became a porn star.

"You've been a bad, bad boy," Jennifer said, the leather of her suit creaking a little as she brought the paddle down on Ronon's ass, the _smack_ echoing through the studio. "You have offended the shades of the Ancestors, and must be punished!"

John twitched under Rodney's hands, and Rodney bent over him so he could murmur loud enough for the boom to catch it over the sounds of Ronon grunting and Rodney fucking John. He didn't bother to make it look pretty, since Radek was behind them, alternating between the pretty picture of Rodney and Keller, and Rodney's ass.

"You like that, don't you?" he said. "You'd like me to do that to you. You'd like to be up there."

He changed the angle a little, got his ass up higher for Radek, and slowed into an easy, steady rhythm, hard enough that every thrust made John rock forward over the 'chalice', which Rodney suspected was actually a jello mould covered in tinfoil. John exhaled hard and arched back, and Rodney kissed his shoulder, let it be sloppy and careless, since the camera probably couldn't see.

"Rodney," John whispered.

Rodney slowed down some more, and let himself feel it, just for a second. John whined a little, high in his throat, one of those noises that made the audience go wild. Until the first time he went to bed with John outside of a studio, Rodney had thought they were just excellent showmanship. Turned out, John just really liked cock. Specifically, Rodney's. He liked knowing that.

"Cut," Teyla said, "John and Rodney may take five. Carson, could you help Jennifer prepare the strap-on?"

Rodney took the opportunity to catch his breath, and paused, still buried in John. "You want me to pull out? You need the bathroom or anything?"

John shrugged, then stretched a little, the movement making him tighten around Rodney momentarily and _twist_ , the bastard, and Rodney had to grit his teeth. He was a pro, he'd been doing this for years, and somehow John managed to get under his skin every time. "Nah, I'm good." His voice was a little husky.

Rodney gestured for a bottle of water, and took a few gulps, then passed it to John. "I thought it was a spanking altar. What's with the strap-on?"

"I think it's a matriarchal culture, or something."

"What the hell are you doing?" Rodney said, as Radek wheeled the camera around to face John. "You can't put it there, you'll completely lose Ronon from that angle."

"I will lower camera for juxtaposition of lines," Radek said, implacable.

"Oh, why don't you just go back to making no-budget Czech arthouse movies," Rodney snapped. "Look, I'm going to be fucking him, and he's going to be lurching into the camera if you're down low like that. And then we'll have to move him so you can get his face properly when he comes, and if we move him it'll take another fifteen minutes to get him off, and my chiropractor already has me on her hit list."

"All right, all right…"

"It will not take fifteen minutes," John muttered, pillowing his head on his elbow for the duration. Rodney stroked the line of his spine absently.

"Please, you're not nineteen anymore."

"Good, we are ready to continue," Teyla said, and Radek made a considering noise as he looked through the viewfinder.

"Let's make some magic," John said, "You ready there, Dr. Rod?"

"Oh, bite me."

"Action!"

Behind them, the hum of the vibrator started up, and Jen and Ronon groaned in sync. John shuddered, full-body, and pressed back a little against Rodney, like he was cold.

Rodney tugged at John's hips to move him back into a better position for the cameras, and suddenly found himself blurting out, "I love you."

John jerked his head around, eyes so big Rodney could see the whites. "What?"

Radek said something loudly in Czech, then Teyla called for a cut.

"What the fuck, McKay?" yelled Keller, and Ronon was laughing hysterically, the fucker. John looked seriously freaked out.

"Jesus Christ, Rodney."

Rodney could feel the flush prickling at the tops of his ears and cheekbones, and he pulled out of John carefully before he could lose his hard-on. "Sorry! Sorry! Oh my god, that's never happened before, I just -"

"Perhaps you and John would like to leave us for a few minutes to compose yourselves?" Teyla said sweetly, in a way that somehow communicated that she must be obeyed absolutely. John was grabbing Rodney's hand and tugging him out of the studio before Rodney even had the condom off.

"What the hell was _that_?" John said in a yelled whisper, the second they were out of the door. Then he grabbed Rodney's face and kissed him, kissed him, shoved him against the wall and kissed him some more, then pressed up against him, full-body, warm and yielding bare skin, while the wall was hard and cold against Rodney's shoulders and ass. Then he took a deep breath and pressed his hands to the wall either side of Rodney's face, like he was about to push himself away, but he just dropped his forehead to Rodney's shoulder and took a few more deep breaths.

Rodney cleared his throat, and tried to say something, but didn't quite make it, so he put his arms around John instead. He felt a little dizzy, like his whole life was starting again, like he'd been hit by a lightning bolt and survived. He wanted to do ridiculous things, like going for long walks at sunset holding hands, like getting John pancakes in bed before he'd even had coffee, like -

"Do you want to get married in San Francisco?"

"Rodney," John said, through gritted teeth, "Can I just deal with one thing at a time?"

"I think Radek slipped me a roofie," Rodney said, somewhat desperately, enthralled by the curve of John's neck and the way his hair tickled Rodney's chin and ear. "I just - I'm sorry, I had an epiphany."

"In the middle of filming _Plumber Players 2_?!"

"What can I say," Rodney said, "I am the job."

"Yeah," John said, and blew another breath out.

Rodney wondered if he was trying not to hyperventilate, and patted John's shoulder awkwardly. "Hey, um. Sorry."

"You're a real piece of work, McKay. Yeah, okay."

"What? Yeah what?"

"Yeah, let's get married. Okay."

"In San Francisco?" Rodney heard his voice crack. "Are you serious? Oh my god, you're serious."

"Yeah, I'm serious!" John said, getting that wide-eyed, hunted look again. "Are you serious?"

"Yes, yes, idiot! I just didn't think you'd - _really_?"

Radek opened the door and stuck his head around it, hair everywhere. "Are you two lovebirds - ah. I shall say ten minutes." He disappeared again.

"Um," Rodney said, suddenly aware that they were both totally naked in the corridor of a studio building, and John sniggered. "Maybe we should, um. Go back and have sex."

"Yeah, maybe. You, uh," John mimed a zip across his lips, "got it all under control, now?"

"You love me, right?"

" _Yes_ , McKay," John scowled. "Can we go do our jobs, now?"

"Shutting up," Rodney said, "One hundred percent professional here."

Back in the studio, Jen's strap-on was buried to the hilt in Ronon, and they both looked slightly glazed.

"Guys, seriously," Ronon grunted, "Get the fuck over it."

"Would you like some more lubricant, John?" Teyla said, holding out a jar. "I trust we are ready to begin again?"

"Yes," Rodney mumbled, cowed into submission by her steely gaze, "Sorry."

*

"Nice," John said approvingly, as Ronon bucked magnificently under the onslaught of Jen's strap-on, his rippling muscles evident even on the tiny screen.

"Your offerings will help us guard against the Wraith!" she said breathily, and Ronon groaned under a particularly powerful thrust.

"Wow, she's got some serious power, there," Rodney said around the last piece of pitta. "Is she a swimmer?"

"Our combined manifestations of the ancient -" onscreen Rodney said loudly, punctuated by the slap of his thighs against John's, as the camera slowly zoomed in on his ass, " - gene in our DNA - will activate the ancient crystal - lying dormant in the altar - and the shield - which protected the priestess' ancestors - who left the traditions - that this ritual is based on - will protect the people - from the imminant Wraith attack!"

"I believe you are right about the exposition," Teyla said.

"Oh, great, _now_ you realize I'm right."

Rodney's pale, perfectly shaped ass filled the screen entirely for a few seconds, and then the camera cut away to show the sharply defined shadow of a dramatic vase of orchids.

"Radek, seriously."

"I trained under Miloš Forman!"

"You guys want to go get a burger, after this?" Ronon said, appearing in the doorway, still stark naked and towelling his dreads.

"We can't, we're going to San Francisco to get married," Rodney said.

"Cool," Ronon said, and wandered off again.

"My congratulations," Teyla said, smiling with perfect serenity. "Be sure that you return in time for the hive ship scenes on Monday morning. John, you will need to see Carson before you leave to be fitted for knee-pads."

On the screen, John, now straddling Rodney and riding him, said, "How long will it take, Dr. Rod?"

"I can't give an exact time!" Rodney snapped, stroking up John's hips with his thumbs, and John arched his neck back at the exact right moment for Ronon to stripe him across his collarbone - perfect aim was one of his party tricks - and John licked his lower lip as come glistened on his chest. Radek clapped his hands together and said something satisfied-sounding.

"Try!" John gritted out.

"Five minutes!"

"That's not long enough!"

The camera went still and directionless as the action switched to the weird high-angle camera on the stand which Radek was playing with, but there was still fifteen seconds or so of dead footage before the rough cut to the second camera; they sat and watched in silence as John stopped rolling his hips, glanced directly into the lens, then looked down at Rodney, his mouth turned up at the corners in a sweet little smile that looked odd under the studio lights, rough and awkward and so beautiful it made something splinter in Rodney's chest.

"Oh, wow," said Jen, from the doorway.

Radek drew in a breath. "Such power. If we could harness it -"

"That's my future husband you're talking about," Rodney said. "If anybody harnesses anything, it's going to be me."

" _McKay_ -"

"Yes, yes, all right. Can we go now?"

As Rodney was waiting for John to lace up his shoes, Radek slipped a DVD into his pocket.

"It is the dead footage," he said. "I thought you would like it."

"Oh," Rodney said, blinking. "Thanks."

"Hey," John said, "What do you think Batman's porn name would be?"

"What, Batman isn't good enough?" Rodney said, and John looked up, that small smile sliding across his face. Rodney cleared his throat, and handed the DVD back to Radek.

"You know, I think it's better in the flesh."

End


End file.
